ADAM’S HANDS’ LESS THAN EPIC ADVENTURES

1. “What the hell are you doing here?”

Blaine’s break up with Leo has been ugly enough not to make him want to see the kid ever again. It’s not that he holds grudges against him, more like the fact that, when they actually broke up, it came after months (and months) (and months) of stalling and waiting and sulking and moping and regretting and a lot of other unpleasant words all ending in -ing. Sure, he remembers Leo and him had a pretty good time, when they were together, but whatever good they had was completely destroyed by those months in which they both knew one of them had to find the guts to just put an end to their misery, and none of them would.

In the end, Blaine decided it was his duty, after all. He was older, wiser, and at some point he just couldn’t take it anymore. It was unfair to wait for Leo to take responsibility in breaking up, and Blaine clearly remembers how surprising it has been to find out how easy breaking up actually was. Just sitting down around a table and say goodbye.

He keeps a good, pleasant memory of his relationship with Leo, but their break up has been definitive enough to let him believe he wouldn’t have to have anything to do with him or his friends anymore for the rest of his life.

So, when Adam – which he remembers to be Leo’s best friend since kindergarten – shows up on his doorstep on Sunday morning, interrupting his beauty sleep and finding him practically half naked, at first he doesn’t even know how to take it.

“What the hell are you doing here?” he asks, peeking right and left to see if Leo’s with him and looking back at him in clear astonishment when he realizes Adam’s alone.

“I need a favor,” Adam answers. He’s looking away and he’s kind of blushing. Last time Blaine had a boy in his teens with flushed cheeks and eyes locked on the ground on his doorstep, it didn’t end well.

“You walked a long way for some sugar, didn’t you?” he asks, arching an eyebrow.

“What?” Adam asks back, puzzled, and then he frowns. “No, you idiot, I don’t need fucking sugar. Are you completely retarded or something?”

“And this puts me in such a good disposition towards you, doesn’t it?” Blaine snorts, hands on his hips, blocking the door as if to make clear Adam’s not gonna come in.

“Oh, for Christ’s sake,” Adam just growls, pushing him back inside the house and then coming in as well, closing the door behind himself with a kick.

“What the hell?!” Blaine yells, pushing him away, “Are you out of your fucking mind? Get out of here!”

“Would you shut up?!” Adam growls in frustration, pacing the room like a beast in a cage, “Just… sit down and hear me out, if you can actually manage to shut that hole for a second!”

“Alright! God, alright!” Blaine screams, dropping on the couch and crossing his arms over his chest. Wearing only his underpants makes him feel slightly uncomfortable, but it’s nothing compared to the blind rage he feels swelling in his stomach. What the hell does this kid want from him?! Can’t he just go?! “Speak. Quickly.”

Adam sits down on the coffee table right in front of him. Blaine tries the impossible not to yell at him to stand up immediately, but it’s useless. The only problem is that, when he actually opens his mouth to scold him, Adam’s quicker to talk.

“I’m Leo’s boyfriend, now,” he says, and Blaine arches his eyebrows, looking at him in complete bewilderment.

“You?” he asks, “That’s not possible. You were straight, I remember that.”

“Well, yeah, surprise,” Adam shrugs, “Apparently, I wasn’t.”

Blaine frowns, crossing his legs. “Alright, congratulations. I’m happy you saw the light. Anyway, as you can see, I’m not Dr. Drew, so what the hell—”

“We’re having issues,” Adam says. His eyes drop to the floor again. Blaine’s starting to find it unbearable.

“Issues,” he says. “Well, not my problem, is it? Work it out. You don’t need a translator, he speaks English just like you do. Better, perhaps, but still.”

Adam looks back at him, anger burning in his eyes. “You’re the most irritating and unnerving man I ever met!” he says. He never liked Blaine that much, this Blaine can remember very well. He supposes now all the raging jealousy and all the snarky remarks make sense, what with Adam clearly being in love with Leo since the beginning of time and all, but still. “I’d punch you right in the face if I didn’t need your help.”

“Yes, about that,” Blaine snorts, “You still haven’t told me why on earth would you need my help, and nothing you said up to now was of any indication about it. So what? Speak fast and clear, and then get the fuck out.”

Adam keeps looking at him, eyes shining with pure hate and a touch of shame, every line of his body and face so tense Blaine thinks he’d break if he tried to touch him. And then he says it. “Leo’s not satisfied with the way we have sex, you have to teach me how to do it better.”

For more than a couple of minutes, Blaine can do nothing but stare blankly at him, as if he had suddenly started speaking in an alien language. “Excuse me?” he asks then, when his voice finally manages to find its way out of his throat.

“You have to help me,” Adam answers, “Or Leo will leave me.”

“Alright, first of all, surprisingly enough, I do not care!” Blaine yells, standing up and nervously walking around the couch, as if putting some space in between himself and Adam could help him get away from his clear insanity, “Secondly, but more importantly, what?! Why should I help you?”

“Well, it’s your fault he’s like this, isn’t it?” Adam stands up, following him around and forcing him to back away every time he comes closer, “You’re the one who fucked him non-stop for three years! You basically programmed him to be like this.”

“Like what?!”

“Like this!” Adam insists, gesturing vaguely, “He can never get enough of it! He’s always asking for more, like, he can’t be stopped! Do you have an even vague idea of what it is to try and keep his rhythm? Last night he had to came thrice before he considered himself satisfied! Thrice! I couldn’t even move my legs the morning after!”

“I didn’t want to know any of this!” Blaine barks, horrified, flailing his arms in mid-air. First rule of everybody who’s talking with the ex of his own boyfriend: you don’t talk about sex. Ever! Adam’s incredibly ill-mannered. There was a time in which gay people were the best people. Now they let everybody become part of the club, it’s outrageous. “Adam, listen, I’m sorry you can’t keep up with Leo’s appetite, but I can assure you I didn’t make him like this, I just popped open the ready to explode champagne bottle he was. What came out of it is not my responsibility, and it sure isn’t my responsibility that you’re with him now, so no, I won’t help you. You can go.”

Adam frowns, clutching his fists down his sides. “It is your fault, whether you want to admit it or not.”

“Alright!” Blaine snorts, “I don’t care! It’s my fault, but I don’t care! Better? Now, go.”

“I can’t!” Adam yells, and as he does it, his voice breaks. It’s a small change in the sound it makes, vulnerability and fear and frustration leaking out of the crack as he looks down again in shame. “If I don’t do anything about it, he’ll leave me. Or I’ll die from exhaustion, but it’ll be worse if he leaves me.” He looks up again, searching for Blaine’s eyes. “I can’t stand the thought of him leaving me. I’ve wanted him since I can remember, and now he’s mine, and I’m…” he sighs, looking down again, “Not enough. But you were,” he says, and his eyes search for Blaine’s once more, “You were, and I want you to teach me how to be enough myself. I swear I will never bother you again, but please… help me.”

It’s weird to see Adam like this. He’s never been really tough in his life, but he’s always been the kind who would have died before showing weakness. He must be desperate, Blaine thinks, and he can’t help a small amused smile to curl his lips up. “God, have you always been such a drama queen or did you become one after you went gay?”

Adam instantly frowns, growling at him. “You’re an asshole!” he says, “I should have never come here!”

Blaine laughs. That’s more like the Adam he knows. “You’re right, you shouldn’t have,” he says, and then sighs, “But alright.”

Adam, who was already heading for the door, stops on the spot, turning around to look at him. “What?”

“I said alright,” Blaine repeats, passing a hand through his hair, “I’ll help you.”

The ghost of a smile starts to linger on Adam’s lips, but he instantly stops it. “Wait, you’re not messing with me, are you? ‘Cause I really need help, and if you plan to make me believe you’re helping just to mock me, I swear, I’ll cut your dick in your sleep.”

“It’s good to know you already want to shove your hands down my pants,” Blaine nods, “That’s the spirit.”

“I’m serious,” Adam insists, crossing his arms over his chest, “Promise this is for real.”

“Kids,” Blaine sighs, shaking his head. “I promise I’m not messing with you, and that I’ll do my best to help you with your problems. In return, you’ll promise me that, the moment we’re done with this, you’ll get out of my life and never look for me again. Do we have a deal?”

“No,” Adam answers, shaking his head.

“What?” Blaine snorts, surprised.

“Well, not yet!” Adam explains, walking back to the couch and sitting down, “We have to set rules. We can’t just go and take things for granted, we have to discuss the terms of this agreement.”

“I’m not taking money for this,” Blaine says, making a face.

“Good, I wasn’t going to offer you any,” Adam nods.

“Now I want them just to spite you,” Blaine snorts, but Adam ignores him.

“Rule number one,” he starts listing, “There will be no kissing. And no touching. And absolutely no fucking.”

“God almighty,” Blaine rolls his eyes, “How am I supposed to teach you things if I can’t show you them?!”

“We didn’t need to dissect a human body to know biology in school!” Adam points out, “So you don’t need to fuck me to teach me sex. It’s simple.”

“Alright, alright!” Blaine shakes his head, “As if I could ever want to touch you anyway!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Adam frowns, narrowing his eyes and looking suspiciously at him, “You saying I’m ugly?”

“What?”

“You just said it,” Adam explains, “You said you wouldn’t touch me with a stick.”

“I didn’t say that!”

“So you would.”

“I didn’t say that either!” Blaine looks at him, eyes wide with unbelief, “Are you completely out of your mind?”

“I’m just trying to understand,” Adam shrugs, looking away, “Would you fuck me or not?”

“I wouldn’t!”

“So you think I’m ugly.”

“Nobody in their right mind would think you’re ugly, Adam!” Blaine yells, his hands in his hair, “You look like you just came out of a boyband! Of course I think you’re hot!”

“Ah!” Adam points the finger at him, “Suppress that thought!”

“What?!”

“Suppress it!” he insists, pointing the same finger right against Blaine’s nose, accusingly, “You can’t think I’m hot!”

“Okay, then!” Blaine yells in frustration, “You’re ugly!”

“You can’t think I’m ugly either!”

“Adam, for fuck’s sake!” Blaine hits the armrests of the armchair with both his hands, “I won’t try and fuck you! I promise! That enough for you, can we move on already?!”

Adam’s lips curl in a smartass smile, as he leans against the back of the couch. “Rule number two,” he says, that smile still lingering on his lips, “You don’t mock me. And, if you do, expect me to do the same.”

Blaine’s jaw drops, his eyes growing wide as he searches for something smart to say and comes up with exactly nothing. “…you’re a devil,” he exhales then, his shoulders relaxing a little. “Alright, I got it. I’ll be good. No mocking, so never mess around with me like that again. If I get angry, I’ll kick you right out of my house. That’s my rule.”

Adam nods. “It’s acceptable,” he concedes, “Rule number three—”

“More rules?” Blaine whines.

“Rule number three,” Adam repeats, glaring at him, “This never goes out of here. Leo must never know. You have to promise you’ll never tell him, whatever happens between us. Even if I make you the angriest you’ve ever been, you don’t use this to make me pay. Promise?”

Blaine sighs, looking at him and shaking his head. “Adam, I haven’t spoken with Leo once in the last year and a half, and I don’t intend to. Your secret’s safe with me.”

Adam nods, offering him half a smile. “I figured that much,” he says, “That’s why I came here. Besides the fact that I honestly believe that you’re the only one who can help me with my problem, of course.”

“Yes, what about it?” Blaine asks, frowning curiously, “I mean, try and be clear about it. Is it just that you can’t manage two or three times in a row?”

“Not just that,” Adam sighs, and he looks down again, his cheeks flushed as he speaks. “He says I’m boring.”

“You’re what?”

“Boring!” Adam yells, standing up and flailing his arms in the air in disbelief, “Can you believe it? I’m a fucking football player, I’m probably the hardest fuck he ever had, but he doesn’t care about strength, of course he doesn’t, no, he wants diversity! Not only he wants to do it three times a day, but he also wants those three times to be all different between them and between the ones from the previous day and the ones from the next!” He stops for a moment, thinking about what he just said. “He’s honestly unbelievable, I don’t know how you managed.”

“Well, I have imagination,” Blaine answers, arching an eyebrow, “You should too. You’re a football player, okay, but you’re an artist too, aren’t you?”

“What does this have to do with sex?” Adam asks, blinking at him.

Blaine stares at him blankly for a few seconds. “Are you stupid?”

“No,” Adam frowns, answering as if that was a real question and, in doing so, showing he is indeed stupid, despite what he might think.

“Alright, let’s just… move on,” Blaine sighs, shaking his head. “So, you’ve got no fantasy whatsoever when sex is involved. And you lack in stamina. We can work on that. Let’s start.” He stands up, walks towards Adam and drops his underpants, kicking them away. “Jerk me off.”

“I will never, ever touch you, not even with a fiery stick!” Adam yells, backing off a few steps and actually shielding himself with both his raised arms, “Ew, that’s disgusting!”

Blaine arches an eyebrow, completely unimpressed at him. “Well, we’ve got to work on your technique too. How can I, if I don’t know how good or bad are you with your hands?”

“My hands are in no way involved in this process!” Adam says, his eyes growing wide.

“Oh, come on,” Blaine laughs, amused, “Stop being a pussy and talking nonsense, of course your hands are…” he stops for a moment, focusing better on Adam and his completely astonished, almost shocked expression. His smile quickly fades from his lips. “Adam, you do actually know you have to use hands too during sex, don’t you?”

Adam doesn’t answer.

“Adam!” Blaine barks at him, almost scaring him away.

“What?!”

“You don’t touch him?!” he asks, “You don’t even jerk him off while you have sex?! Are you serious?”

“I can’t touch his dick, come on!” Adam whines, annoyed, “He’s a guy!”

“Well, yes, of course!”

“He can touch it by himself! He has hands too, you know?”

“Yes, I do, but that’s not the point at all!” Blaine explains, almost refusing to believe he really heard what Adam said, “When you have sex with somebody, you touch them! It’s obvious, and the person you have sex with expects you to, just as you expect them to do the same with you.”

“I don’t expect Leo to touch me,” Adam snorts, making a face, “In fact, I don’t let him.”

Blaine’s arms drop down his sides, as he keeps looking at Adam as if he’s starting to believe this must be a dream. “You don’t let him touch you,” he repeats, just to be sure he got that right.

“Of course I don’t,” Adam confirms, almost proud with himself, “If I don’t touch him, I can’t expect him to do the same. And it’s better, really. Touching is awkward.”

“Awkward,” Blaine repeats again, slowly walking back to the couch and sitting down. He’s already weary, and they haven’t even properly started yet. “Adam, come here, please.” Adam blinks a couple of times, but then walks towards him and sits down, far enough not to find his nakedness threatening. “Listen to me,” Blaine says with a sigh, passing a hand over his face, “Basically everything you just said up to now is disturbing me so much I’m almost uncomfortable. You’re messed up, my friend.”

“We’re not friends.”

“Yes, we’re not, but you’re still messed up,” Blaine sighs again. “Now, if what you want from me is some sex tips and some sort of lessons to make you better in bed, I can do that, it’s no big deal. I’m qualified, I’ve got patience, I still care for Leo enough not to want him forever stuck with an animal with no sexual skills whatsoever, but… if you expect me to do so, you’ve got to be ready to experiment. To try new things out. Like, this fact that you don’t touch. Seriously? What’s the problem with touching?”

Adam looks away, shifting uncomfortably on the couch. “It’s… well, Leo’s a boy.”

“Yes, I believe we already discussed the topic.”

“This means he’s got a dick.”

“Obviously.”

“Yeah, but not only!” Adam insists, “I mean… it’s the whole thing. He’s got a male body. The shape of his body, the way he responds to things… I mean,” he sighs, looking away again, “I adore him, he’s the best thing that ever happened to me and I find him sexy, and I want him, but he’s just… it’s awkward, for me, to touch a male body. I’m not used to it.”

Blaine leans against the back of the couch, intently looking at him. “Alright, Adam,” he nods, “I understand that. Really, I do. But you’re with him, now. You’ve got to get used to it. It’s the first step. How can you expect to get better at sex if you can’t even touch him properly?”

Adam raises his eyes on him, his lips curled into a small pout. He’s pretty cute, right now, with his blond hair and his perfectly chiseled features and skin. Blaine finds it easy to understand why Leo would fall for such a beauty. And he also finds it easy to understand how disappointed he could be to learn not always a perfect beauty makes for a perfect match.

“I suppose you’re right,” Adam concedes, sighing deeply. He stares into the void for a moment, and then seems to come back into himself. “Okay, let’s do it.”

“Let’s do what?” Blaine asks, blinking a couple of time.

“I’ll jerk you off,” Adam answers, moving closer to the couch, “You’re not ugly, you’re being kind to me. I can do this.”

“Now, now, I’m moved. Stop before I start crying,” Blaine says, arching an eyebrow, “But, now that I think about it, isn’t this against rule number one?”

“Well, this isn’t the real thing, is it?” Adam shrugs, “I mean, this is not a proper lesson. It’s some sort of preliminary evaluation. Yes, it is. Those rules don’t apply.”

“Honestly,” Blaine half-laughs, “I’ve been talking to you for less than twenty minutes and I have no idea how your mind works, but I can tell already it’s a dark, scary place.”

“Fuck you,” Adam snorts carelessly, “Now, can you just shut up and let me jerk you off?”

“Oh, my God, Adam, you’re so romantic!” Blaine mocks him, one hand on his heart, “Be careful, you’ll make me fall in love.”

“God, do you ever shut that mouth of yours?” Adam sighs, shaking his head in surrender as he casts a desperate glance to the ceiling.

Blaine’s just about to say something else, when Adam’s hand lands on his cock, slapping it a little.

“Ouch!” he grumbles, glaring at him, “Would you please be gentle? I’m not made of iron.”

“Aren’t you?” Adam smirks, his fingers closing around Blaine’s still soft cock, “Leo could go on for hours about how hard you always were. Listening to him, it seemed you never had it down or something. I used to wonder if it was true or if he was just exaggerating.”

“It makes me really happy to know you used to fantasize about the hardness of my cock when I was your best friend’s boyfriend,” Blaine smirks.

Adam scoffs a laughter and playfully glares at him as he starts to stroke him gently, as he’d do with himself. “Sometimes I really did, you know?” he says, looking down at him as he feels him grow bigger and harder between his fingers.

“What?” Blaine asks in disbelief, his eyes fixed on Adam’s concentrated expression.

“Yeah,” Adam laughs, embarrassed, “I was kinda curious. Not that I realized. You think I’m messed up now? You have no idea how messed up my mind was two years ago. Most of the time I couldn’t even think straight. I had all these urges and needs that I couldn’t understand— I mean, not that I didn’t understand what they were or what they meant, I just couldn’t accept them, you know what I mean?”

Blaine chuckles, relaxing against the back of the couch and sliding down a little, breathing slowly in and out as he closes his eyes, Adam’s fingers getting warmer and a little slicker around him. “Yes, I know. Go on.”

“Talking?”

“That too, if you like,” Blaine laughs.

Adam laughs too, still embarrassed but finding out that speaking as he strokes him makes the whole thing less awkward. “Well, anyway. I used to lie down on my bed, shut the door, close my eyes and, you know, turn my brain off. That way, I couldn’t control my fantasies anymore. They just came straight dancing in front of my eyes, and they were what they were, and I decided I wouldn’t feel guilty about them.” He shrugs, passing his thumb over the head of Blaine’s now hard erection, “And sometimes it was Leo, and sometimes it was some faceless nobody, and sometimes it was you.”

“Me?” Blaine asks in a laughter that comes out muffled by the fact that he’s biting down at his bottom lip hard, his toes already curling with every shock of pleasure that the movement of Adam’s hand sends bolting through his entire body.

“Yeah,” Adam admits with an embarrassed laughter, “I hated you, but you still were one of the most beautiful men I had ever seen in my life,” he stops for a moment, and when he starts stroking Blaine again, he does it looking up at him, eyes fixed on his, “You still are.”

Blaine comes quietly, but only because he had promised himself so. The shiver that runs up and down his body isn’t quite at all, though, and it forces him to grab the armrest with one of his hands to try and stop himself from shaking.

It’s just a moment. It passes soon, and then he’s back to normal.

God, how much he loves coming.

“So?” Adam asks eagerly, reaching for his backpack and retrieving a tissue to wipe the trace of Blaine’s orgasm off his palm, “Was I any good?”

He hasn’t been half bad, but Blaine can’t risk to say that, can he?

“Let’s just say you need a lot of practice, my friend,” Blaine says with a smirk, standing up and stretching out, “Now, I’m going to go and take a shower, and when I’m done with it I’ll come back here, and you’ll be already out,” he says, heading for the bathroom door without even turning around to say goodbye.

He hasn’t even told Adam when he should be expecting a call for another lesson. It doesn’t matter, though. “I’m not your friend,” Adam grumbles, frowning.

He leaves the house right after that.

to be continued