ADAM’S HANDS’ LESS THAN EPIC ADVENTURES

3. “What do I need this for?”

Sometimes Adam thinks his brain hasn’t been programmed to process things quickly. He doesn’t think himself slow, even though at times people keep telling him that, he just thinks he’s not one to instantly get whatever’s going on around him. Took him years to get over the fact that Leo was bisexual – took him years to understand what bisexuality was. When he understood he had something for Leo, something that went beyond friendship, even the closest, it took him years to accept it. But first he had needed years to figure it out.

So, when Blaine leads him to the bedroom and shows him the bed, instead of inviting him to please sit down on the couch as he’s done up until now, at first Adam’s brain just can’t process. It’s a change of scenery and he’s not sure he’s comfortable with it. Beds are threatening. Things happen in beds. Bad, bad things happen in beds. Things get out of control and body parts that shouldn’t be touched get touched and things that should never be said slip out of mouths and people go wild and then regret it. The mere idea of being this close to a bed together with Blaine is so upsetting that Adam literally sees an imaginary blue screen of death appear in his mind, and he just says “No.”

“No?” Blaine asks, looking at him, “I haven’t even said a word.”

“You don’t need to,” Adam shakes his head, backing off, “This is inappropriate.”

“You mean more than shoving your hand down my pants and jerking off in front of me?”

“Could you not?” Adam begs, horrified, “Please?”

“Ah, I’m sorry,” Blaine theatrically sighs, casting an annoyed glance to the ceiling, “I forgot you live in the Free State of Denial, so nothing about what we do here can be said aloud and, if it has to, it must be said using ellipsis and periphrasis.”

“That’s not funny,” Adam protests, frowning.

Blaine sighs again. “No, it’s not,” he agrees with a nod. “Anyway, I’ve experienced how you jerk other people off, I’ve seen how you jerk off yourself, now we’ve got to move forward. It’s only logical.”

“Yeah, see, logic’s kind of an issue, with me,” Adam nods, eager to explain himself.

“Did you make it to put the star-shaped toy in his own star-shaped hole, in kindergarten?” Blaine asks, mockingly, “Yes? Perfect, then you shouldn’t have problems with this either.”

“I do,” Adam insists, “There’s no connection. I can’t see why I should insert my toy in any hole, right now. So, you see, your argument is invalid.”

Blaine arches an eyebrow, crossing his arms over his chest. “You’re so stupid I don’t even know how you carry on conversations with other human beings,” he says, “How did you even get into college? Who did you blow?”

“Ew,” Adam makes a face, “I don’t blow.”

“Go figure!”

“Stop it!” Adam whines, slapping Blaine’s shoulder and then pouting, “I thought we had agreed on some rules about mocking.”

“Alright, alright,” Blaine laughs, shaking his head. “The thing is, I’ve seen how you work with your hands, now I’ve got to see how you fuck. If you want suggestions, then—”

“Wait just a moment!” Adam yells, backing off quickly, “We agreed on not fucking! That’s definitely not gonna happen, okay? So, don’t even try!”

“As I said, Adam, I wouldn’t touch you with a finger,” Blaine sighs, “I’m too scared you could cut it off. You don’t have to fuck me.”

Adam blinks, casting a worried glance all around the room. What if there’s somebody hidden in the bathroom? Some huge bear dressed in black leather and carrying a whip that’s been ordered by Blaine to suddenly appear behind Adam’s back and push him down on the bed to sexually assault him? “If it’s not you…” he starts, but Blaine stops him, rolling his eyes and groaning, annoyed.

Adam looks at him as he approaches the bed, bends over it and grabs one of the pillows, throwing it at him right after. “Here,” he simply says.

Adam looks at the pillow, then up at Blaine and finally down at the pillow once again. “What do I need this for?”

Blaine arches an eyebrow, casting him an incredulous look. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah,” Adam nods, “I mean, what am I—”

“Just drop your pants, put it on the bed and use it to show me how you fuck!” Blaine interrupts him, flailing his arms in the air in distress, “God! How slow can you be?”

For a long moment, Adam just stares at him, his expression completely blank. “You want me to hump it?” he asks then.

“Well, yes,” Blaine answers, “How else am I supposed to—”

“I’m not gonna hump it!” Adam screams, throwing the pillow on the bed in disgust as if it was dirty or it was its fault that he’s being asked to get intimate with it.

“Oh, come on,” Blaine snorts, annoyed, “We all did it, as kids.”

“Not me!” Adam protests, horrified.

“God, so you were even more sexually repressed as a kid that you are now?” Blaine smirks, “That’s something.”

“I’m not— okay, I am, but this is so completely not the point!” Adam tries to explain, “I can’t, I mean, not in front of you, anyway! It’d be weird.”

“I promise I won’t take any pleasure in it,” Blaine sighs, “Besides, I’m already bored out of my mind, so either you start humping that pillow, or you can go your own way. Come on, entertain me.”

“You’re the dirtiest piece of trash I ever had the pleasure to meet,” Adam harshly says. He’s so disgusted he’d spit on the ground, if only they weren’t indoor. “I’m not here to entertain you, asshole. I’m here to—”

“God, if I have to hear the story once again,” Blaine snorts, throwing his head backwards and whining loudly. “Listen to me,” he says as he goes back to look at Adam, “And listen carefully, because I swear this is the last time I repeat it: I don’t want to touch you, I don’t particularly like to watch you, I’m not doing any of this because I find it sexually arousing. I’m doing it because you asked for help and I thought it sweet that you did it. Not for me, but for Leo. Is that clear?”

Adam pouts, looking away. “Yeah,” he concedes, unwillingly.

“Good,” Blaine nods, “Now, the thing is: I’ve never seen you fuck.”

“Praise the Lord for that.”

“Shut the fuck up, Adam. I’ve never seen you fuck, so if I ever want to be able to give you some tips on how to do it better, first I have to see how you do it now.”

“But, Blaine,” Adam whines, childishly, “I’m not even— I mean,” he looks down at his crotch, stupidly ashamed by his lack of arousal despite having basically all the good reasons not to be aroused at all, “And then!” he insists, looking back up at Blaine, “The pillow’s not consenting, that’s sexual assault!”

“Oh, please,” Blaine snorts, shaking his head, “With all the action that pillow has seen in my bed, it’s been probably waiting for somebody to come and pop its cherry for quite a long time. I promise it’s willing, it won’t sue. Now,” he looks sternly at the younger man, pointing his finger at him, “I don’t care what you have to do, or to whom you have to think to get horny. I’ve got some porn DVDs and I can give you ten minutes on your own, if you need them, but get that cock up, already, and fuck that pillow, and that’s final.”

“Okay!” Adam yells, blushing madly, “Okay! God, you’re so pushy.”

“And you haven’t even seen the half of it,” Blaine smirks.

“Fine,” Adam sighs, passing a hand over his face, “Fine,” he repeats. And then he starts unbuttoning his pants.

“Do you need some time alone?” Blaine asks, his eyes nonchalantly dropping down on Adam’s crotch.

“Nah,” Adam answers with another sigh, “The sooner I start it, the sooner it’ll be over,” he says, dropping his pants and underpants and turning around towards the bed, bending over it to arrange the pillow. “God, this is awkward.”

“Don’t start again,” Blaine warns him, frowning.

“I’m not, I’m not!” Adam snorts. He looks down at the pillow and vaguely wonders how he’s supposed to do something like this. He wouldn’t know how even if he was alone, but with an audience… it’s just ridiculous. But Blaine seems set on it, and anyway his reasoning somehow makes sense in Adam’s head too – he can’t expect Blaine to know shit about the way he has sex, if he hasn’t ever seen him doing it – so he just swallows and settles on the pillow, shivering a bit as he feels the cool, soft touch of the silk sheets against his skin. “Silk,” he whispers, a faint smile curling his lips as he adjusts on the pillow, “Could you be any gayer?”

“I assure you,” Blaine smirks, sitting on the edge of the bed and watching him, “It has nothing to do with being gay, it’s all about being rich.”

“There are no silk sheets in Leo’s house, though his parents are rich,” Adam wonders.

“They’re also gay,” Blaine chuckles.

“And, apparently, less than you are,” Adam laughs, moving his hips upwards and letting a soft moan escape his lips to the feeling. It’s an awkward, kind of embarrassing sensation. The silk’s warming up, it kind of sticks to his skin, but then, when he moves, it rubs against him softly like caressing fingers, and the pillow’s so soft that, every time he moves, it adjusts underneath him to welcome him better. His hardening cock’s starting to create a growing recess in which it fits perfectly, and as he moves against the pillow he feels himself slide in and out that comfortable fold in the fabric, and the more he gets harder, the better it feels.

“Everything fine, there?” Blaine asks with a smirk.

Adam, his eyes closed, can only whisper, “Leave me alone, I’m doing fine.”

“Actually, you’re not,” Blaine chuckles, “I mean, if you were just masturbating, of course, but you’re supposed to show me how you fuck Leo. Is that how you do it?”

“Yeah…” Adam whines, “No. I don’t know, leave me be!” he begs, holding the pillow with both his hands to keep it still as he pushes himself right against it. “That’s so…” he says in a low voice, as his breath grows heavier. He doesn’t even need to finish the sentence.

“It’s good, isn’t it?” Blaine smiles, lying down on his side on the bed, his elbow against the mattress and his chin resting on his palm. “May I ask you a question, Adam?”

“Right now, you could ask me to give up all my belongings and sign them on to you, and I’d say yes,” Adam whispers, wild shivers running through his body as he moves, habit finding its own way to take control of the situation, managing to show Blaine what he needed to see after all.

“Yes,” Blaine chuckles, “Luckily, there’s nothing you have I could possibly want.”

“Except maybe Leo,” Adam says nonchalantly, not even realizing what that even means. He says it as a joke, and Blaine’s very careful to take it as one, and actually he’s not even sure he’d want Leo back, even if there was a chance. But what they have, what Adam and Leo share, that’s something he envies, even if just a bit. He loves his freedom, he likes to be by himself. But Adam’s longing, the length he’s willing to go for Leo… now, Blaine can’t speak for Leo himself, since he hasn’t talked to him in a very long time, and he probably wouldn’t be able to explain how to be the subject of such love could feel, but the strength of Adam’s feelings hits him hard every time they see each other. And yes, that’s something he’s starting to want for himself too.

“Except maybe Leo, yes,” he smiles softly, settling better on the bed. “But my question wasn’t about him.”

“Well, shoot,” Adam says. And then laughs, and adds, “So to speak.”

Blaine’s laughter echoes the younger man’s, before he finally dares to ask. “Why don’t you like to masturbate?”

“It’s not that I don’t like it,” Adam whines and then sighs, his body tensing as slow waves of pleasure travel through him, “I just don’t do it often. I’m not used to.”

“What about when you do it, then,” Blaine inquires, curiously, “How does it happen? If it’s not natural, what triggers it?”

“God, do you have to ask now that I can’t possibly get away from this fucking pillow, not even if I wanted to?” Adam complains with a peculiarly small, childish voice, as his hips move faster against the pillow, as if trying to get himself to come as fast as possible to get away from both that conversation and Blaine himself.

“Come on, Adam,” Blaine smirks, moving a little closer to him, his eyes catching the discreet change of pace, “I’m just curious.”

“It just happens when I’m incredibly frustrated, you know?” Adam blurts out, his eyes closed as he squeezes the pillow between his closed fists, biting his bottom lip and then licking at it every now and then, “I go on and on and on without having sex and touching myself for days, or at least that’s what I did when I didn’t have an overly sexualized boyfriend… at some point I need release. That’s when I do it. When I can do nothing else.”

“But you could,” Blaine says, arching an eyebrow. He met some pretty weird people in his life, some of them carrying on their shoulders the weight of issues way heavier than Adam’s, but Adam’s way of dealing with things somehow manages to still be the most fucked up he ever witnessed in his life. And he himself is a person that reacted whoring around for more than a year to an high school break up, so he knows what he’s talking about. There’s something incredibly self-hating in the way Adam handles his needs, as if they were sins he deserved to be punished for. It just makes Blaine want to save him, somehow. “I mean,” he goes on, gesturing vaguely in mid-air, “You don’t have to wait for it to become a desperate need, to do it. You could just… you know. Do it, when you want to.”

Adam opens his eyes slowly, focusing on him despite being so lustdriven he can barely keep his eyelids lifted. As he moves, his breath now heavy and irregular, since he keeps holding it in during the strongest surges of pleasure, some sort of new awareness seems to dawn on him. “Yeah…” he says in a whisper, “I could. I suppose I could let myself.”

He comes right after, and despite the slow mounting of his orgasm it still manages to be pretty sudden and quite overwhelming. Blaine barely has the time to think about his pillowcase, and how he’s probably going to have to burn it in the backyard, along with the whole bedding, that he’s just as suddenly blown away by the expression on Adam’s face. His features are relaxed, despite the light way he’s frowning, and his lips are parted, wet, swollen and red as cherries. His breath’s heavy, and his whole body keeps moving up and down on the pillow with it, still shaking every now and then.

He’s so beautiful. And, right now, so free.

“How was it?” he asks softly, still caressing Adam’s whole figure with his eyes.

Adam doesn’t even try to move. Leaning limply against the pillow, he keeps his eyes closed as he tries to catch his breath again. “I have no words for it,” he answers, “I didn’t even know it could be this pleasant.”

“It can be even more so, if you just want it to be,” Blaine nods, “You should stop hurting yourself like that,” he adds, and he doesn’t need to explain why he thinks so, because he’s sure Adam will get it.

And Adam does. He lifts his head from the mattress and looks at him, and he nods a little, his eyes now clearer, more serious. “I feel very stupid,” he says, and it sounds like a confession.

“You are,” Blaine chuckles, sitting straight and then standing up from the bed, “But then, who isn’t? Everybody’s been scared about sex, even ashamed of it, at some point,” he shrugs, “You just never really managed to get over it.”

Adam looks down, blushing for a moment. “And will you help with that?”

Blaine can’t help but smirk, chuckling lightly. “As long as it lets me stare at your ass for free, why not?” he jokes, arching an eyebrow.

“What…” Adam stammers, and then frowns, “Hey, wait a moment, wasn’t this supposed to show you how I fuck so you could help me improve my technique?”

“Ah! Was it?” Blaine asks, mockingly, “I’m sorry, I haven’t paid enough attention.”

“What?!”

“You’ll have to show me again.”

“You asshole!” Adam yells, standing up, still covering himself with the pillow and then throwing it away when he realizes it’s pointless and he hates the sticky feeling of his own come against his skin, “I hate you, and I swear before this thing’s over I’ll see you dead!”

Blaine keeps laughing long after he’s gone.

to be continued